One of the things I hate most about having had cancer is that I now live in a constant state of fear. I wish I didn't. My husband tells me to stop thinking about it, stop freaking myself out about it etc...mostly cause then he starts to freak out about it too. I try, i really do. Lately it's not working. I am scared to death that it's going to come back and come back in a place where there's not a thing that can be done about it. I can't tell you how much this scares me. The thought of not being here to see my kids grow up is way too much for me to handle. I pray like crazy that it doesn't come back, and I hope like crazy that God is listening.
I hate cancer.
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You're not alone in the freaking out about it. We're all trying really hard to not have the same worry. It really helps me when after telling people about it, I find out that so&so had the same thing and they've been cancer-free for umpteen years now. Whew! I just wish the treament thing were over.
ReplyDeleteYou are by far one of my favorite forever friends. The news of it all hit me like a ton of bricks and still gets me all choked up just thinking about it! I'm sure that God is listening to you and to everyone praying for you! Love you!
ReplyDeleteI HATE HATE HATE that I"m not there for you right now! But just know I'm here for you even miles away and I'm praying for you just as hard as ever! I love you and you're unstoppable!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you're not alone in thinking those thoughts.....I would assume that most cancer survivors have those exact same thoughts.....it's only natural. But you do have many things in your favor....a great support system of family and friends...and God. He is in control....trust Him to get you through all this, along with the help of your support system. That and maybe a few more new pairs of shoes! :)
ReplyDeleteLove ya,
Rhonda
CANCER SUCKS!!!!!!! I don't think that can be said in big enough letters or with enough exclamation points. I guess, for me, the way I do not freak out about that (though I've had my moments), is that I say the Serenity Prayer and meditate on it.
ReplyDeleteGod, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the thing I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.
You are changing the things you can - doing the treatments and reading about any other cancer prevention things, praying, accepting support from others, blogging, and trying to focus on the good in life today.
I hope God will grant you the serenity to accept what we cannot change, both now and in the future, and know that feeling those awful feelings of worry will never make the things we cannot change feel any better in any moment that we actually experience them. One day at a time, love. And if you want to have a freak out moment, go ahead and do it, but then let it go and come back to the good stuff going on. I know, easier said than done.
You have every right to feel all the emotions you are feeling. I am not sure if I would be as strong as you if I was faced with the same thing. Cancer is a serious thing and I hope they soon find a cure for it. It has touched way too many people that I care about. Your strength and courage will get you through this! And remember that you always have your friends and family to lean on when you need us!
ReplyDeleteGod only gives us what we can handle! Remember that!
Take care of yourself!
Just a reminder that there are a whole lot of people praying for you (probably all over the map from what I gather) who God is listening to along with you. He listens through "I hate cancer" rants, yelling, and tears too; I've had them on behalf of others - He knows life often sucks here. Praying especially for peace and comfort in your day to day. You are incredible. Much love to you -
ReplyDeleteUm, that was actually me, Kelly who just posted the above comment. I didn't realize Greg was signed in...
ReplyDelete