Well, this weekend was a step up from past weekends in that Saturday wasn't nearly as bad. In fact, i don't think I was in bed at all yesterday. Wow!
Today I am feeling okay. A little nauseaus, but not too bad. I went to church this morning and my mom and I went on a nice long walk this afternoon. The weather was beautiful and I needed to move. BECAUSE, I gained MORE weight and am now on the verge of not fitting into any of my jeans. This sucks on many levels. 1. I do not want to have to buy new jeans. 2. I'm getting too big for my jeans! 3. I can't exactly start working out like a mad woman to lose the extra lbs, which means I should probably start paying more attention to what I eat 4. I don't wanna 'watch what I eat'!! You can see where I'm coming from...
I keep telling myself that my goal is to just not gain any more weight, and I'll focus on losing the extra lbs after chemo is finished and I have more energy. And then I think about that and I feel weird about it somehow. Like, I'm going to be grappling w/ the fact that I am done w/ chemo, trying to live a "normal" life, not thinking about the cancer coming back, not thinking about dying young, about how to move on from this....and I'm going to be worried about my weight?! That's just bizarre, isn't it? That something that trivial is up there in my mind w/ all the other huge things going on?
And really, the fact that I'm thinking about it at all right now seems off to me too. I should be fully focused on getting through treatments, not getting sick, etc....not worrying about not fitting into my stupid jeans!
Okay, note to self: if you have to buy bigger jeans then so be it. There are more important things going on in your life right now.
Remember what I said earlier about perspective? It's coming into play here too.
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Well I have a few pairs of jeans (size 8?) that would probably fit you (with a belt). So you can try them on when you come next weekend. That way you wouldn't have to buy new jeans. I won't be wearing them any time soon and they're in good condition since I didn't get to wear them very long last year when I bought them.
ReplyDeleteIt's a deal!
ReplyDeleteWho knows...maybe it helps keep your mind off the bad stuff when trying to figure out something that you KNOW you will be able to get rid of in time. And...after seeing you today...most women would be jealous to see how great you still look...you hide it very well!
ReplyDelete